Friday, May 20, 2011

Johnny & Jo vs. The Woodworm

What's a woodworm I hear you ask? Well, I could go into a scientific lecture about the history and evolution of them but to save you having to pretend to care all you really know is it's a REALLY FCUKING LOUD THING IN WOOD. Specifically, wood in our bedroom.

Johnny, being Johnny researched what these woodworms were (so I lied about me going into a lecture about them, it's really him) and sussed them out. This is the deal:
1. Certain beatles lay eggs in the wood

2. The wood gets chopped down and the untreated wood gets made into things that go into your house, in our case our skirting boards

3. An indeterminate of time later, the eggs hatch and the worms start eating the wood

4. In some cases they eat their way out - get enough and you'll get this

What does a wood worm sound like? Think a large, live animal with claws stuck in the walls trying to get out. Worst case scenario of course- which is what it sounded like when I first got here. That one either died or actually got out.

When the sound started again we called management who not surprisingly didn't give a damn, that is until Johnny bet the guy $100K ($5AU) that one was in there. Next thing you know a maintenance guy is here ripping it out. And when I say ripping, I mean in a "no holds barred I'd use sledgehammer if I had one" way. Once he does, the manager looks at it, and says "see no worms". He'd be right of course had the wood not had hundreds of holes in it. That's when they went outside to crack the wood, and what do you know, in the ONE random place they crack it a worm falls out.

Johnny didn't get $100K but it's worth the good nights sleep. Oh, and being right. In YO FACE management. And worm.


  1. oh dear. this is actually pretty common in south east asian countries, i remember we had this kind of problem too back at my parents' when i was a kid. i don't remember them being loud tho.

  2. Okay that post grossed me out,